La Paz, Bolivia, Part 2: Biking down DEATH ROAD (Da Da Dummmmm)

So. There's this road that is outside La Paz called Yungas Road that is colloquially referred to as "Death Road", because it is considered one of the most dangerous roads in the world.  Death Road winds precariously up the side of a huge mountain, consists of steep hairpin turns/curves/declines, is paved with loose gravel, has no guardrails, is only wide enough to accommodate one car at a time, and most of the road stares down into steep cliffs and gorges and imminent death. Back in the day, over 300 people/year used to lose their life to this road - one false step, and you're basically over the side of a cliff into a super steep canyon below.  I say "used to" because the government very recently built a new, safer highway route - so now cars and trucks increasingly use that route instead.

Nowadays, Death Road is only used by the locals who need it for transport, and daredevil mountain bikers who want to take their turn navigating the crazy turns and unstable gravel - the reward is the amazing views over mountains and canyons, and to say that you completed the crazy 61km descent.

See that road?  That is Death Road.

To be totally honest, I'm not someone who gets a thrill out of life-threatening situations.  I would much rather stay safe, instead of paying money just to feel the thrill of almost-dying (disregard bungee-jumping in South Africa and Victoria Falls plz; those were one-off situations).  However, everyone who's biked down Death Road has RAVED about it - plus, I get by in life by assuming that I'm not the most incompetent person out there in the world. Therefore, if tons of other people have done Death Road and survived; I couldn't possibly be the most uncoordinated, destined-to-fall-over-the-side-of-a-canyon-one, could I?  

This reasoning would absolutely not hold up in court. But after debating with myself, I decided to sign up for a mountain biking trip on Death Road (and pay a little more for a reputable biking company with full shocks).  The company I went with is called Barracuda Biking - they're well-established, have good-quality bikes (some of the discount companies are terrifying and the bike conditions aren't that great), and I didn't read any comments on TripAdvisor about people dying with this company.  Sign me up!

Cliffnotes of the Day:

• Left early morning for a 45-minute drive out to La Cumbre Pass, which sits over 15,000 ft. above sea level. 

Me looking like a super-nerd in my biking gear.
Size of jacket requested: S; Size received: XL
Size of pants requested: S, Size received: XL

• 2 seconds later, the weather changed drastically and enveloped us all in a thick, dense fog. 

Group shot!  There were 13 people on my trip.

• The first 20-or-so kilometers of Death Road are paved and have guardrails, so you can take some time to get used to the feeling of the bikes and turns.  However, the road being paved also means there's lots of trucks and cars, so it was slightly terrifying to have huge 18-wheelers zooming by you on the curvy roads.

One of our first views down into the valley below

NBD, just a ton of crosses and memorials on the side of the road where people have plunged over the edge and died

Weeeeeeeeeeeeee

• The best thing about Death Road is that the entire 61km descent is basically downhill - so you don't really have to utilize any athletic/exercise skillz.  Besides the muscles in your hands that constantly have a death grip on the brakes. Let me tell you, after the whole thing was over, a bunch of us had the worst shooting pains up and down our forearms, wrists and fingers EVER - all from gripping the brakes on super bouncy/uneven roads.

Another great thing about Death Road?  We stopped a lot, so the guide could give us information on the area, what we were to expect on the next stretch of road, take photos, etc.

• Then came the scary part: the paved road disappeared, the road got narrower, and the ground became extremely uneven and full of loose rocks and gravel. The rest of the 30-40km on Death Road would now be on gravel.  This is where the most injuries/fatalities occur, because it's easy to have the bike skid on loose rocks (AND PLUMMET OVER THE EDGE OF THE CLIFF), especially when taking tight turns or when the ground is wet (which it often is due to the many waterfalls in the area).  
• Do you want to know a fun fact?  There are tons of loose rocks in the road starting at this point, and the big ones are called "baby heads." Because they are the size of babies' heads. Charming.

Getting a long safety briefing before the scary part

And we were off!  Another nice part was that you could go as slow or fast as you wanted: there was always a guide in front and a guide in back.  Also if you're wondering, they had a photographer who took all these photos and sent them to us later. Because obvi if safety is #1 in my mind, I'm not overly concerned with taking photos.

THAT IS THE DROP OFF THE EDGE OF DEATH ROAD. TERRIFYING

In Bolivia, people drive on the right side of the road and the drivers sit on the left side (just like the States) - however, on Death Road and Death Road alone, the rules are opposite.  You're supposed to drive on the left side of the road, so that the left-side drivers going down can see how close they are to the edge up-close-and-personal. To try and prevent cars from falling over the edge, ofc.

Thin, winding Death Road through the spokes of a bike

I looked like a super-nerd all day because all the gear was way too large on me; but hey, if it keeps me safe, I'm wearing it and never taking it off.

It's crazy how you can see the road snaking through the side of the mountain.  How did they even create this road. Who was in charge. So many questions.

Oh lovely, and here's a good shot of what awaits at the edge of the road.

Regardless of how crazy-scary the road is, the scenery was AMAZING. Since we kept descending, it was crazy how fast the temperature changed too.  The top of the mountain was FREEZING, but as you keep going, the air temperature gets much warmer and more humid - you have to keep shedding layers.

Snack break! These stunning huge waterfalls were everywhere

My XL coat, and more waterfalls!  In a lot of parts, you had to ride your bike straight under the waterfalls - which means you got soaked, and you panicked the entire time because your bike got soaked, and you were scared it would catch or slip on something and send you over the edge.

• The entire road took us about 4-5 hours. It was really scary, but to be honest, it wasn't as scary as I thought it would be.  For one, you're so focused on avoiding some of the big rocks on the road and guiding your bike down the least skid-worthy-looking path that you don't really even look over the edge. Also, you know what's the best thing ever invented? SHOCKS.  Our bikes had these crazy, ridiculous shocks that absorbed a ton of the bumpy road (because seriously, you felt like you were getting thrown around in a washing machine as you were zooming down the super rocky roads, and it was a major challenge just keeping a grip on the handlebars).
• The biggest contributor to injuries and such are when people brake too hard and flip their bikes (and then go over the edge and die, which I'm going to continue saying over and over because that's how many times I said it to myself), so I spent the entire time trying to gently hit the brakes while trying to avoid skidding on loose gravel - which is actually really hard, because the road drops so steeply that your bike is constantly accelerating to terrifying speeds on its own.  

You know what makes it all worth it though? Views like this.

The group after finishing Death Road, and having successfully shed all million layers we were wearing initially at the top. Because at this point, it was HOT and the road had gotten super dusty. It was like we went from tundra to desert in one day.

• After navigating down all 60km and having avoided any fatalities, the group was treated to lunch at a nearby hostel and allowed to hang out/swim in the pool or nearby river.  My forearms felt like fire. And I got eaten by a million sandflies. But it was a great ending to the day.
• Actually, the day didn't end there. Having spent the entire day mountain biking 60km down the mountain, there was still the tiny problem of getting back to La Paz. From the ending point, La Paz was now a 3-hour drive away (instead of the initial 45-minutes).  Ironically, we drove on the new, safer highway back to La Paz - you know, the one that was constructed after too many people were dying on Death Road.

And you know what the guides normally do on the 3-hour journey back to La Paz? They make lots of pit stops, stock up on booze, and get wasted on the bus. 

Drink of choice: Cuba Libre, which is basically rum already pre-mixed with Coke. And they sell it in 2 liter-sized bottles with this ridiculous photo of a bikini-clad woman.  There's no way that lady drinks Cuba Libres and looks like that, because these bottles are basically full of diabetes.

• Consequently, the bus ride home was the rowdiest bus ride I've ever been on in my life (I partially blame the 7 separate British dudes on my tour). There were shot-taking competitions, body surfing, and enough male shirtless-ness to last me for the next couple of years.  People were so out of it that I wasn't even blacklisted when I took over the radio and played Justin Bieber's "Sorry" on repeat.  Because that song is great. Guess who's NOT sorry? Me. Pun intended.

During an alcohol pit stop, I found a puppy! The cutest puppy ever. I may have tried to smuggle him onto the bus.

PUPPPYYYYYY.  I should also mention that this thing definitely had fleas.

Setting sun views of the mountains and fog from the car window. So majestic.

• Overall (final word here, I promise), the entire experience was AMAZING (sign of being an American; using the word "amazing" too often). The views were unbelievable, and there was also the total thrill of rocketing down totally uneven gravel roads, being jostled up and down like crazy, navigating 180 degree turns, and splashing through waterfalls and rivers.  To know that you are totally in control of avoiding (or hitting) rocks, or not driving yourself accidentally over the edge - it's pretty powerful.  I can kind of see why people are so into downhill biking: you go SUPER fast, and anytime you successfully avoid an obstacle, you feel like a winner. 
• Highly, highly recommend.  Five stars.

La Paz, Bolivia, Part 1: The Most Fascinating City Ever

I was having a discussion with a bunch of people about the different stereotypes of backpackers around the world.  For your amusement, I've compiled a brief list of things people from other countries apparently dislike about Americans:

1. When they ask us where we're from, we say the state we're from instead of the country, like we expect them to know all the states in America - this apparently comes off very arrogant to them. When we ask where they're from, they would never say a random province or city in their country; they'd start with the country first. 
2. We are over-enthusiastic about everything and they can't tell if it's real (GUILTY, AND IT IS REAL, AND I'M OK WITH THIS)
3. Why do we use the word "amazing" so much?? (GUILTY, AGAIN)
4. We are loud (sometimes guilty)
5. We don't seem to know that much about other countries or anywhere that isn't America (um, we can't help this if we're not taught that much about other parts of the world, and HEY I'm traveling and learning what I can now!)

In case anyone's easily offended, there's also tons of stereotypical things people dislike about other backpackers from every country in the world; not just America. I just found this the most interesting and relevant.

Anyways, back to regularly scheduled programming: Bolivia! From Uyuni, I took an overnight 8-hour bus to the main city of La Paz.

What It's All About:

La Paz is the largest city in Bolivia and its unofficial capital (the government and all ruling offices are based here). It's nestled in between mountain ranges, and is super high in altitude (~almost 12,000 ft above sea level!!!) - meaning I wheezed like a 90-year old man with emphysema anytime I had to go up more than two steps.

La Paz basically consists of zillions of clay-covered buildings located high up in the mountains

I was initially a little nervous about going to La Paz - any story you hear about a backpacker getting robbed in South America, seems to have happened in Bolivia.  But I soon found La Paz to be one of the most interesting places ever!  There is a unique blend of the indigenous culture with the Spanish culture here. The history of La Paz is totally crazy, and much of the community's indigenous roots are still evident today: from the ladies wearing traditional wear (long, braided pigtails, a sun hat, and thick, colorful skirts) to the Witches' Market (a market that sells many traditional remedies, talismans, symbols, and potions of the indigenous people).  

Cliffnotes of the Day:

• In the past couple of years, the government has constructed some cable car lines, as a way of creating a faster & more efficient public transportation system (vs. the city's buses, which have to inconveniently wind their way through crowded/narrow winding streets, up and down the mountains). Inadvertently, these cable car lines have become a huge hit with tourists, as they provide breathtaking views over the city and neighborhoods that would have previously been inaccessible to see.  AND THE WHOLE THING ONLY COSTS 3 BOLIVIANOS, which is like $0.50.  

I rode the cable car's red line (there's also a green and a yellow line; the three of which make up the colors of the Bolivian flag). They are currently constructing even more cable car lines of various colors.

The Red Line also soars over huge swaths of cemeteries in the middle of the city - these are all individual mausoleums, and there were SO MANY rows of them!

Yes, I was sharing a cable car with two locals, and yes, it was slightly embarrassing because they were sitting there quietly, just trying to use their city's public transportation system, while I was snapping photos out the window like a maniac.

But look at these views!! The cable car quickly ascended up the mountainside, which provided breathtaking views of the city.

SELFIE (by this time, the locals had gotten out of the car and I was alone, so no worries on me being embarrassing)

Last one

• I took a walking tour (par for the course now), which happened to be the MOST FASCINATING walking tour I've ever taken. And I've taken a lot. So that says a lot. But seriously, some of the stories our guide told us about the city....cray.

Our first stop was the Witches' Market.  Nowadays, the Witches' Market is so touristy that they carry a bunch of tourist handicrafts and stuff, in addition to the traditional potions and paraphernalia, just because it's good business practice.

This is a traditional offering tray, called a mesa: you buy various dulces, or candies (non edible), to burn on the tray as offerings. Each dulce symbolizes something you're hoping for - whether it's love, or money, etc. Also I don't know if you noticed, but there's a dead baby llama fetus on this tray with yarn wrapped around its neck (Yes, it's real). Llamas are used as offerings for new construction; i.e. if you're building a house, you may bury the dead baby llama in the foundation as an offering to the gods to keep the builders safe, and for strength in construction.

This is a special god they pray to (which yes, looks like a fat white man) - whatever is hanging on him is what you hope for - be it $100 US bills, food, etc.

Some of the interesting natural remedies being sold in the Witches' Market.

That light pink building is the infamous San Pedro prison of La Paz - it sits in the middle of the city and IT'S CRAZY.  It's like its own little autonomous city inside the walls.  Some bizarre facts:
1. Apparently, you have to pay rent to stay in the prison (and there's different levels of housing you can live in - from nice, ritzy places to terrible slums).
2. There are no guards inside at all (and only a handful outside) - the prison basically runs itself, with its own businesses inside and its own forms of social justice for its prisoners, run by its prisoners (and this saves the gov't money!)
3. Everything is so corrupt that there was a point where an enterprising prisoner started smuggling tourists in and giving them tours of the prison as a way of earning extra money. It became a popular thing to do - the prisoners would simply pay off the outside guards to let the tourists in/out, and these prison tours became so well-known that it was even a suggested activity in the Lonely Planet at one point. Eventually, the gov't shut it down in 2012/2013
4. Coca-Cola sponsors all the prisoner-run restaurants inside the prison - in exchange for branding, they provide free chairs/umbrellas/etc. So you can only get Coke products inside the prison.
5. Some families of prisoners are allowed to live with the prisoners inside the prison (again, they have private apartments and stuff) - there are about 80 children living inside the prison today because they have an incarcerated parent. These kids are allowed in/out of the prison daily to attend the local city school, which is outside the prison.
6. Lots of illegal drug-producing (read: cocaine) activities go on inside (read: corruption)

This is the main city square and the seat of Bolivia's government (and tons of pigeons!)

This pink building is supposed to be the president's house - but no president has lived there since the year 1964. Because Bolivia has tons of uprisings, you see - and some pretty grisly things have happened there to former presidents due to angry mobs. So since then, presidents have refused to live there.

These people in zebra costumes are in charge of making sure people abide by the rules of the zebra stripes (which are what the crosswalks are called). How adorable is that?!?! The government pays people to dress up in zebra costumes to make sure cars and people are following crosswalk rules! 

This is a creepy haunted street (name forgotten), where unfaithful men have been known to disappear

View of the mountains from my hostel rooftop.

The main church, St. Francisco. The original founders of the church basically had to bribe/con/scare the indigenous people into coming to church at all (basically, the indigenous people weren't initially interested in attending church). 

• After the walking tour, I asked the guide for a recommendation on somewhere for dinner - she gave me the names of three places she told me were traditional Bolivian. Man, oh man, I was not prepared for what they were. All three were huge, fake-Disney-on-crack restaurants with ridiculous themes, multiple floors, fluorescent desserts, and garish decor.  

First floor of the restaurant: jungle themed! Complete with workers in safari outfits.

The third floor was underwater-themed. It was seriously like a poor man's Disneyland. I can't believe this is a "traditional Bolivian restaurant."

And my meal? A giant kebab and fries.

Fun Facts of the Day:

• There are urban legends (which our guide believes to be true) that take the burial of the dead baby llamas a step further. A dead baby llama is a good offering to the gods for the construction of a small building, sure - but are they enough for the construction of a large building?  There have been dark stories of human sacrifices being made for big construction projects (which involves burying someone alive under the foundation of a building as an offering) - usually homeless people, or someone who won't be missed as much. People in this part of the world are big believers in superstitions and making offerings to the gods, after all...
• On that note, apparently the dead baby llamas used in the Witches' Market have all died of natural causes (like stillbirths or frozen to death, etc.).  They don't go around killing baby llamas to make sacrifices with.
• There is a fascinating book called Marching Powder, written by a former prisoner of the San Pedro prison, that details life, the community, illegal activities, and everything else inside the infamous building. 

Salar de Uyuni, Bolivia, Part 2: THE SALT FLATS OF BOLIVIA

GRAND FINALE, HERE WE ARE!!!

Day 3 of our Salar de Uyuni tour, this is when we actually arrive to the Salar de Uyuni itself!

What It's All About:

Salar de Uyuni is the world's largest salt flat, located in Southern Bolivia.  The salt flats formed due to the drying up of a prehistoric lake a very, very long time ago.  Salar de Uyuni covers almost 12,000 sq km and is also at a super-high altitude (well, all of Bolivia is really) at almost 4,000 meters above sea level.  And apparently 50-70% of the world's lithium reserves are in the Salar (thanks, wikipedia).

The salt flats are crazy - crusts of pure, blindingly white salt as far as the eye can see. And you hear crunchy noises as you walk.  In wet season, Salar de Uyuni is covered with a thin layer of water, which results in amazing, reflective photos where the salt flats seem to go on forever (we didn't see this phenomena, but I've heard it's incredible).

I'd heard about the salt flats a long, long time ago and have always wanted to come here.  It was such an awe-inspiring experience.

SALAR DE UYUNI

Because the salt flats are so expansive, and everything is so pure white, it's a fun place to take crazy perspective photos - which every tour group usually does.  It's one of the iconic photos you'll see of Salar de Uyuni, usually - people doing crazy poses that mess with your perspective.

Photos like this!  Where I'm obviously being eaten by a T-Rex.

Cliffnotes of the Day:

• I'm starting with the night before we arrived at the salt flats, because our second night, we got to stay in a SALT HOTEL!  Yes, it is exactly what it sounds like.  That is, if it sounded like a hotel made of salt to you.

The dining room of the salt hotel!  The tables and chairs were even made of salt blocks. Keela checked by licking them.

Our salt room.  I have to say, the novelty of the salt wore off after awhile because the floor was all loose salt, and after taking a shower, it stuck to your feet and got everywhere all over your stuff.

• Our third and final day, we got up early to drive out to the salt flats!  Our first stop at the flats was this crazy cactus island - it's literally a chunk of land in the middle of the flats that has zillions and zillions of cacti (did I pluralize that right??) all over.  You can spend an hour or so hiking around and admiring the cacti against the salt flats. Very artistic.

Cactus island!

So much cacti!

Connie and the giant cactus.  Not phallic-looking at all, of course.

• And then Casi, our guide, ushered us into the car and drove us out through miles and miles and miles of white, salt flat nothingness to a totally desolate, empty area.  It was amazing to me that he knew where the heck he was going. 

Because it was seriously just pure, white saltiness everywhere.

• And now, get ready for tons of ridic salt flat photos! 

First, a tame group shot

Being chased by a T-Rex. Yes, the same one who tried to eat me earlier. #rude

Myles holding me holding Keela

Jump shot!
Someone commented to me that my knees bend freakishly far backwards.

Our signature boy band pose, of course.

We are all supposed to be pushing an Oreo, but it was out of focus!  But I got to eat it afterwards. It was delicious.

Myles eating us for lunch

And then we made a ridiculous video where we crawled out of beer cans to dance. Again, Blogger is the worst and is uploading-video-challenged, so I can only post screenshots. But trust me when I say the video is epic.

Dancing after we've all emerged from the beer cans

Crawling back to our can homes

Myles blowing me off a salt mountain

Never-ending nothingness.

• It was so much fun, I can't even tell you.  There are loads of brilliant other ideas people have come up with for photos on the flats, so anytime you're REALLY bored, you can google image some of them. They're amazing.
• After the flats, our guide told us he'd take us somewhere a little off the beaten path. We drove for awhile to these caves, which apparently used to be the tiny cave homes of a long, lost civilization of the area.

Oh cute, a little cave home!

......and then we walked inside, and MUMMIES. SERIOUSLY JUST DEAD PEOPLE'S SKELETONS LYING THERE IN DISARRAY.  I don't know what we expected, but it certainly wasn't a ton of dead people.

AND THERE WAS A CREEPY HALF-PRESERVED PUMA HANGING OVER THE DOORWAY

• Seeing as how our guide only spoke Spanish, we really didn't get the full story of WTF we were seeing. I'm fairly sure he was telling some kind of folklore, which made no sense (Google filled in the rest of the blanks for us later) - apparently these people lived thousands of years ago, and then they died out in mass numbers for some reason relating to the sun and moon. And all their bodies face one way and are pretty well-preserved, since they're in the middle of the desert. But it was kind of crazy, to walk into these caves and see skeletons - some of them still had hair! CREEPY. (no wonder this is not a standard part of the tour)
• The last stop of our epic tour was an old train graveyard right outside the city of Uyuni, in Bolivia.  Uyuni used to be a major port for minerals and mining, and they'd ship them by rail.  But then many of the mines were depleted, and the trains were basically abandoned and fell into disrepair; right outside town.

Creepy abandoned trains

You can climb in and out of the cars, and the cars are covered with graffiti

So many train cars!

And somebody's installed a swing from one of the cars!

• Overall, the salt flats of Bolivia were just as amazing as I'd always imagined - it's just one of those places where you realize how many surreal, different, crazy, and amazing places there are in this world.  

Meal of the Day:

Every meal we had on the tour was delicious (mayo and ketchup with pasta?? YES PLEASE. And I am not being ironic). But nothing was better than arriving in the city of Uyuni after three days in the desert, and finding a place like Minuteman Pizza.

Minuteman Pizza was started by a guy from Boston who married a Bolivian woman and ended up moving out to the middle of nowhere, Bolivia (Uyuni) to open his own pizza parlor. It's got all the trappings of a delicious pizza place - cute vintage signs, huge choco chip cookies, homemade lemonade, a wood-burning pizza oven, and tons of delicious pizza options.

AND THE PIZZA WAS DELICIOUS. Truly an oasis in the middle of South America, as sometimes you just. want. pizza.

NOM